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The Raunch and the Righteous
Bishops of Bastard Presents: The Raunch and the Righteous is a spec script for a webcomic created by Darnell Deepwell and written by Mickey Random. The first installment of The Raunch and the Righteous takes place several months after Bishops of Bastard Beginnings Volume 3 and it takes place roughly 2 years before Bishops of Bastard NSFW. This installment of the series introduces a new character named Albert Okie, an Internet evangelist who heads a mega-church much like the one Masked Bastard runs. Pastor Okie targets the Arch Bishop and seeks to start a sex scandal hoping to bring down his metal-faced rival and rally more members to his own congregation. __TOC__ Plot Lord Bishop Linz Mondello leaves the Church one evening and meets with Pastor Albert Okie at R.A.U.N.C.H. Headquarters where Okie suspects that Masked Bastard is in a secret relationship with Lady Bishop Sadie. Knowing Linzy has debts, Okie offers Linzy $1 million dollars to turn on the Arch Bishop. Back at the Church, Masked Bastard and Sadie's latest sexual encounter is interrupted when Magda walks in. Denizen Mouse tells the Bastard that Mayor Grosscup will be giving the Bastard the "Like A Boss" honorary award. The Bastard is also receiving urgent messages from an anonymous person with the screen name "misshill114". Mouse says he'll look into it. In the Church garage, Linzy and Mr. R Mcgeddon get the Lulzwagen ready for another street race. Masked Bastard insists on going to the car meet hoping to get younger people to join the Church. The Bastard makes Sadie their spanky pants-wearing "it girl". Linzy meets with Okie again in Okie's garage. Okie lost just about everything in a divorce settlement with his wife Hilda on November 4th years ago. His ex-wife reportedly died in a car crash after "somebody tapered with her brakes". Okie then asks Linzy to help him spy on Masked Bastard and Sadie online, hoping to catch the two talking dirty so that the chat logs will incriminate the Arch Bishop. But Linzy doesn't feel comfortable doing it and leaves. Sadie brings in her friend Becky Gallagher to help hand out church tracts at the car meets. During the next race, the Lulzwagen blows up. Mondello gets picked up by Miguel MeGusta, Captain of the Cankerton Police Department. MeGusta tells Linzy that a child pornography ring is running in Fale County and that the mastermind behind it is someone highly placed in religious society. He also warns Linzy that a news story by the tabloid newspaper Daily Debacle will be released tomorrow claiming that Masked Bastard is a pedophile. After purchasing a brand new, updated concept microbus (called "The Argentum), Masked Bastard, Sadie, Marge and Mac drive to the award ceremony. On the way to city hall, the Bastard receives an urgent text message from "misshill114", but he ignores it. While the Bastard gives his acceptance speech, spectators read the Daily Debacle story about him via their mobile devices. Before a riot erupts, Masked Bastard is taken away from city hall. Linzy confronts Okie but Okie is only concerned with expanding his ministry at the expense of the one Linzy loves. Race promoter Absurd lends Linzy the money to fix the Lulzwagen, but Mac becomes suspicious of Linzy, thinking Okie gave Linzy the money. Linzy finishes another race and pays off all of his debts. But Okie reminds Linzy that they made a deal. Linzy tells okie that they never had a deal and that they are no longer friends. Denizen Mouse tells Linzy that someone named "misshill114" has been harassing the Arch Bishop and that this same person told him not to go to the ceremony at city hall. Linzy then realizes that the person was trying to warn the Bastard of what would happen. Linzy briefly chats online with "misshill114" and leaves the Church. Linzy goes to R.A.U.N.C.H. Headquarters to confront Okie, but he doesn't know that Masked Bastard and Mac have followed him there. Okie offers Linzy a suitcase of cash, which an angry Mondello pours lighter fluid on and sets on fire. When Mondello returns to the Church, he is attacked by Mac and accused of being a traitor. Linzy then tells them that Okie is the one behind the child pornography ring and the tabloid story. Linzy got the information from Okie's supposedly dead ex-wife Hilda Okie aka "misshill114". After Okie's goons attack the Church, Linzy decides to race Okie to end the dispute. The final race, however, has no real winner after Masked Bastard slams his microbus into Okie's sportvan. Okie is arrested by MeGusta and taken away. Linzy knows that Okie's men will never leave the Church alone and decides to step down as a Lord Bishop and leave the Congregation he loves. Masked Bastard reminds Linzy that he will always be welcome back. But Linzy packs his things and leaves the city. The story ends with the Lulzwagen speeding past a sign saying: WELCOME TO MEMEVILLE. Characters *Masked Bastard – Arch Bishop of the Church of Fatherless Time and a houseplant enthusiast. *Linz Mondello – Lord Bishop, secretly a street racer and owner of the Lulzwagen. *Sadie – Lady Bishop in a secret relationship with the Arch Bishop who becomes an “it” girl. *Albert Okie – Chairman of the organization R.A.U.N.C.H. and an old friend of Linz. *Mr. R Mcgeddon – Lord Bishop in charge of the Church Armory and the Church Attorney. *Chris the Pimp – Lord Bishop in charge of Church finances. *Denizen Mouse – Lord Bishop, human-sized white rat in charge of Church events. *Mystique B – Lord Bishop, half man, half wasp, Church Faptist and marijuana enthusiast. *Mayor Grosscup – current mayor of Cankerton and a good friend of Okie’s. *Councilman Cogoggle – Grosscup’s right hand man who protects the mayor’s image. *Captain MeGusta – Commanding officer of the Cankerton Police Department. *Becky Gallagher – Sadie’s cheetah cosplayer college dorm mate, joins Sadie as an “it” girl. *Judge Blumberg – Superior Court Justice, friend of Masked Bastard and colleague of Mac. *Absalom “Absurd” Fallenlog – Street race promoter, mechanic and friend of Linz. *Jolen-Heli – Lumi-Visian Sage, unseen celestial conservator of Masked Bastard. *Pia Arrabo – Excommunicated celestial Cardinal, servant of Lord Dagon. *Dagon – Hæysux overlord who controls Pia Arrabo. Quotes LINZ: So you’re the church police now? OKIE: We’re whistle blowers. LINZ: Sounds like you guys blow more than whistles. MARGE: Sadie is a technical virgin. MAGDA: What the hell is that? MARGE: That’s when she allows the “crosier” into every staff stand, but the magical one. MAGDA: So technically, she’s still riding the Virginmobile. MARGE: Yeah, but she’s bent over in the backseat, if you know what I mean. MASK: I’m an introvert. MOUSE: An introvert with a plant fetish. MASK: It’s not a fetish. I’m an enthusiast. MASK: You guys are really into this street racing thing, aren’t you? MAC: Its steadier income than Misty’s dwindling weed operation. MASK: True. Misty burns through product faster than a televangelist squanders donations. LINZ: And the hookers haven’t been completely honest with Big Daddy Mondello lately. MASK: We have hookers? 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